Psycheanalyzed

When my friend told me that he and his partner haven’t had sex for a very long time because his partner said she just couldn’t help but still imagine him having sex with this other woman whom he’s had an affair with more than a year ago, I couldn’t help but wonder why they’re still together.

Why would you cling on to a relationship that has apparently stagnated? How could you possibly still live with somebody whom you absolutely detest? It seems to me that she’s lost her trust on him and that she still could not forgive him for his infidelity.

My friend told me that she wouldn’t even kiss him and whenever he tries to hold her, she’d make up an excuse about how tired she is, or how her bones are achy, etc. He said at first he thought, she was just punishing him for what he did and all will be forgiven and forgotten eventually. However, now he’s beginning to doubt whether she could ever really forgive him and move on with their relationship.

I really don’t understand her reasons for not booting my friend out after all this time. I reckon a year would be enough time for anybody to assess their feelings and decide whether or not they should continue with the relationship. I also couldn’t help but ask, is it better to be in a bad relationship than not to be in a relationship at all?

A relationship needs intimacy. Regardless of whether it’s a physical intimacy or an emotional intimacy, your relationship will slowly wither and die without it… You cannot create a physical intimacy without the emotional intimacy, nor can you have complete emotional intimacy without the physical aspect as well.

If you can’t be intimate with your partner, whether physically or emotionally- or both, you cannot expect to having a lasting relationship with your partner. The reason for this is quite simple. Without the emotional and physical bond between mates, there’s nothing to hold onto when things get rough and both partners find themselves feeling as though they’ve got no anchor to keep them safe in the rocky ocean of life.

It was my daughter’s quarterly examination and I was explaining to her the concept of GAPESA (Given, Asked, Plan, Equation, Solution and Answer) in Mathematics. She understood everything fine, except what she’s suppose to write down in “plan.”

She keeps putting the last couple of words in the problem, i.e., “in all,” which doesn’t make sense at all, so I told her to simply write down: “Find the sum of ___, or whatever the objects they’re supposed to add up. She totally disagree with me because she said she’s been writing the same thing ever since and her teacher consider her answers correct. True enough, when I checked her previous assignments, her teacher has indeed marked her answers right.

Of course, I was adamant that she rectify this and told her that my way is more accurate. To which, she started bawling and accused me of trying to “sabotage” her chances of acing their test. No matter how I explained it to her, she just wouldn’t believe me.

Now I know what my dad must have felt when he was trying to teach me Mathematics back when I was about the same age as my daughter now. It must have been worse for him because he’s a professor of Accountancy and a Certified Public Accountant. Talk about having confidence in your parents!

“Use hidden soldiers to minimize fooling her…” when I scrolled down the text message, the sender explained that this is what this famous personality said in his latest shampoo advertisement (translation: Use Head and Shoulders to minimize falling hair).

I admit I find it amusing, although I do feel a tad guilty for laughing and sometimes even making fun of this myself. It’s weird though because English is not really our native tongue. Yet we regard those who are fluent in English very highly. There are times when we even equate one’s English proficiency with his intellectual quotient.

In the past, I have met and become friends with many people who are not very articulate in English, but who are nonetheless just as sensible, talented and smart as the next English speaking guy. They may have trouble expressing themselves in English but if you ask them about their philosophies in life, or you watch them build or create something so intricate or beautiful or fantastic, knowing full well that they never had any formal training or education – now that I reckon, is more impressive that somebody who can speak English with an American, Australian or British accent!

I know it has something to do with this “colonial mentality” again, but I reckon we should also try to be less critical and be more open-minded. After all, some of the more developed countries like Japan, Singapore, South Korea, France and Belgium aren’t native English speakers. In the end, what we do is more important than what we say or how we say it.

In western culture, it’s quite acceptable to move out as soon as you’re 18 years old (sometimes even younger) and put your parents in homes when they’re old. In the Philippines, these are considered almost taboo.

You only move out when you’re job requires that you relocate or when you get married. Although it’s not uncommon to still live with your parents or in-laws even when you’re already married because of the difficulty of obtaining a house, unless you’re in the upper class bracket.

However, you’re also expected to repay your parents for giving you food, clothes, shelter and education, particularly if you have finished a university degree. You pay them back usually by helping out with the utility bills and/or sponsoring a brother/sister’s education. Sometimes, you even end up shouldering everything, which is why some people never marry or only settle down when all their siblings have already graduated from college.

This is one of the reasons why Filipinos are considered very family-oriented. Yet this mentality may also bring out feelings of resentments — Parents who are still “taking care” of their children even when they already have their own family resents the fact that they’re still working hard (sometimes even harder because of the additional grandchildren and son/daughter-in-law) to support them. Similarly, children who ended up shouldering everything, lest they be considered ungrateful after everything that’s been given to them, likewise feel bitter and frustrated.

Is this really a choice or are we merely unfortunate because our government could not afford (only because of the prevalence of graft and corruption) to help us out? In other countries, where the unemployed, disabled and those who are earning below the minimum wage, are given housing and subsidies for basic necessities, it is so much easier to just move out, establish a family or just do whatever you please without having to worry about whether your parents, siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles, etc. are eating at least 2 or 3 times a day.

Western countries may think that to still be living with your parents even when you’re over 30 years old is ridiculous. In the same manner, we are appalled when they would send their elderly parents in homes, even if these homes are akin to hotels with private nurses and caregivers. We frown at each other’s ways and practices, yet should the circumstances be reversed, I wonder if everyone would still maintain their ways…